Be safe; not sorry

For those of us who work with other peoples children, it's impossible to over think safety. I believe that many youth ministers make this issue a side note rather than a focus when planning events or taking kids on trips.

Because I want my youth coaches to be empowered to do ministry, I feel that sharing a few safety tips is warranted so that they will be the most effective.

Safety Tip 1: Never. Never. Never. Never. be alone with a teen of the opposite sex. And I would add that it's probably wise to be very careful to consider even spending time alone with a teen the same gender as you.

The Scripture teaches us that we should be above reproach in our behavior. In our hyper sexual society, just an accusation could very well ruin your life. If you don't think it could happen to you, I have a good friend I'll introduce you to, if he's willing to discuss what happened to him. You can't be too careful.

But what if a teen really needs to talk? Public places are great. I appreciate how my youth coaches interact in our youth room and in the halls of the church building, before and after Activate on Wednesday night with teens. This is healthy and good. But it's a public place. If a teen wants to talk, resist the idea that you need to find an empty room or office, unless it's well lit and the windows reveal a line of sight throughout the room with a single glance.

Don't be sorry to say no. I've had to say no to giving a ride, because I couldn't work it out for there to be more than just me and the girl in the car.

Even if you feel you can trust the teenager, or you have a close relationship, you are putting your reputation on the line, just by opening yourself up to the opportunity. I still struggle with this one, because I want to be there for my teens, so this reminder is just as much for me as it is for you...

Never second guess how evil, evil is, and how adept and effective Satan is at disrupting an effective ministry. He's been taking out pastors for centuries, and you are no better than any of the other victims he's claimed on his hall of shame.

Safety Tip 2: Always make sure you have plenty of the right kind of adults around

I have found that one right kind of adult for every 6 teens is a great ratio. It's not a mathematical equation or a result based on some youth minister logarithm, it's just my experience.

I think there's this idea out there that it's not good to have a bunch of adults around when it comes to ministering to teens, especially parents; this is a bold face lie. Sort of.

I'll clarify...It's a good idea to have as many adults and parents who are Spiritually mature in their understanding of Scripture and their relationship with Jesus and who are sold out for the vision of what is taking place in the student ministry as you can get, anytime there are teens present.

Teens will feel safe and cared for and as a result will be more open and honest in this environment, than in a room full of other teens and very few adults, or adults who are not gifted or called by God to serve in student ministry.

You may be asking, "how do I get the adults you mentioned to serve in student ministry?" It's not very difficult actually, it just takes time. If you have none to start with, then start with one and set up a time to meet with them:

1. share your vision of what you expect from students when they graduate from HS

2. share how the student ministry is partnering with the church to help them reach your expectation

3. share how this adult can partner with you to help you reach your goals for your students

4. don't ask for a commitment to accomplish a task

5. rather communicate that you are a partner in ministry.

6. Once you have one adult who is right for the ministry you have visioned, they will be your best recruiting tool.

Just a short word on the wrong kind of adult; it will only take one to kill whatever effective ministry you have in place. The right kind of adult for student ministry is:

1. saved

2. urgent about sharing the message of Jesus with others, especially teenagers

3. has an active personal devotional time

4. is open to share their failures (appropriately) and their victories

5. loving and caring for teens all the time

6. understands how to touch appropriately and does so with abandon

7. is not easily frustrated or angered

8. does not show shock at any behavior, language or confession.

9. understands your vision and loves it

The wrong kind of adult is:

1. judgmental

2. worried and anxious

3. speaks without listening

4. shocked and shows it

5. sarcastic all the time (i have to be careful with this one. it's too easy for me)

6. has no idea what appropriate touch is

this adult is either offensive, touching inappropriately, or is dismissive, too worried about it to display loving behavior...either way this adult is not right for youth ministry

Be careful about the adults you bring along as partners, but, don't believe the lie that you can have too many. The more right adults the better...bank it.

Safety Tip 3: Seatbelts

I know this can be a tough one, and I've been lenient on this one in the past, but now that I'm a parent, I'm much more vigilante about it. It doesn't matter if it's the bus, a 15 passenger van or a car, if there are seat belts kids wear them.

If you are consistent on this, the best thing that can happen is that a teen starts complaining about it. How do you think you're going to look from a parent's perspective if they overhear their kid complaining about wearing seat belts ALL THE TIME...they're going to love you. You will be their hero.

Not to mention it's the law. The most difficult vehicle that I drive and enforce this is our 25 passenger bus, because I can't see all the seats while I'm driving, so safety tip #2 comes in real handy because they are your eyes, or better yet, one of them is driving to free you up to be a real meanie....

an inconvenient life

Al Gore came out with a movie a few years ago entitled an "Inconvenient Truth" and truth be told I've never found a convenient time to watch it. But the title strikes a cord of truth about the life of the Christian person.

Since graduating from college in 1992, I've been employed as a full-time minister. I believe that to many this basically means that I'm paid to be inconvenienced. It seems that many feel that since I serve full time in ministry then it shouldn't matter what my schedule is, or what my priorities are, if something at church needs to be done, I'm the one paid to do it. And let's face it, since youth ministers are on the bottom rung of the seniority ladder, guess who does a lot of what other folks don't want to do...I hear the amens ringing from youth ministers everywhere.

It's time to help the Typical American Christian (TAC) person to change their thinking. And this is it: If you are a Christian person, your faith must be a catalyst for inconvenience.

I know this is going to come as a shock to a lot of folks. If you're not being inconvenienced for the cause of Christ, you need a serious shake up of your priorities.

Paul says in Romans 5:1-6
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Now, I'm going to add the word, "inconvenience" in place of the word "suffering"
Check it out:
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our inconveniences, because we know that inconvenience produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Obviously, the suffering that Paul speaks of here is horrifically worse than any suffering a TAC "suffers" today. When Paul speaks of suffering, he's talking about, torture (even worse torture than waterboarding) ostracism, prison, and of course death. Come on now, no one suffers like that in this country. In other countries in the world, they do, but not here.

The TAC suffers from inconvenience.

Let's be honest; how many times have you heard a TAC say, "I would love to help you, but, I can't." "I'm _________________" you fill in the blank, but really you could just put the word, "inconvenienced" on the line, and that's what they're saying.

And here's the root of the problem, the TAC doesn't really love the Church. They believe they love Jesus, they might even appreciate God, but they don't love the Church.

Here's what a TAC thinks about church: it's a place to go and do the religion thing to feel better; or to keep the spouse or parents happy; a place of coercion; to visit with friends, to make God happy, it's a duty as a Christian...a TAC won't say, "I love the church" A TAC says "I love MY church" And when something happens they don't like with "MY" church, many TACs simply look for another one.

Here's the other problem, the Typical American Church has fed this dysfunction. We have hired professionals to do the work of ministry so that the TAC didn't have to. Or at the very least the professional is hired to come up with a program that the TAC can conveniently be placed on some rotational basis as a volunteer. But a TAC will quickly add, "But I don't want to be in charge of anything." Do you see how the Church has contributed to this perception?

Here's the deal: the Typical American Church needs to spur the apathetic TAC. This will be a painful process, no one likes being spurred. I hate needles, and I have to turn my head when a nurse is ready to stab me with one. I think getting a spur would be worse. I've watched cowboy movies. When the cowboy is repeatedly spurring the horse to catch up with the indians, he's pounding that horse with his spurs, that's got to hurt. It hurts me to watch it.

Hebrews 1o:24
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

More employed ministers need to publicly say, "I'm employed by this church to inconvenience you." When the TAC moves from the understanding that inconvenience is a bad thing, to the more perfect understanding that inconvenience is a blessing, they no longer are a TAC.

So the TAC in this transformational moment becomes a AVUAC. (A Very Unusual American Christian)
Of course the idea is for this understanding to become Typical so that the AVUAC is a person who doesn't want to be inconvenienced.

Make sense? By the way...my Youth Coaches are AVUACs!

a few tips for youth ministers

I don't have it all together. So, we can be clear on that. I make a ton of mistakes all the time, but, I've learned a few things over the last 20 years, that may be helpful to other youth ministers who are navigating through changes either in the youth ministry, the church or both. Since I consider the youth coaches and students I work with youth ministers, and our church is going through some changes maybe a few of these tips will come in handy for them:

Tip 1: There will always be a few that hate your guts Don't take it personal.

Most of the time it's just a personality clash, but, if you understand that there isn't anything you can do to "win" them you'll be at peace with yourself. If you think you can persuade them to like you with your "winning" smile and personality you'll only exacerbate the conflict. If you're a full time minister and the person who doesn't like you is in the leadership team, you have a big problem. Pray they move, or you may want to think about it very seriously.

Yes, I know the Bible says we should love each other. But, let's get real. Sometimes, Christians don't get it. And while you can model what it means to love and to accept others; every church has the resident jerk. And if you want that jerk to like you, you're going to be very disappointed. Just don't worry about it.

Do your best to love them, without having a lot to do with them. And when they do confront you, do what Jesus says, and "turn the other cheek." but then just do whatever it was you were doing and don't let them bother you. When I created the expectation for myself that I wasn't going to be liked by everyone, it helped a lot to isolate worry and anxiety about those who constantly complain or argue with what the youth ministry or church is doing.

Tip 2: Focus on solutions instead of the problem

This one took me a long time to learn. Mainly because the various church leaderships I have served with have almost always spent way too much time discussing, er....praying about the problem rather than praying and discussing a solution.

Here's a simple truth: problem people will complain, while, those who are truly concerned will offer one or more possible solutions to their problem. This is the difference between a complaint, something Paul tells Christians to never do (Philippians 2:14) and concern.

If I'm truly concerned, I'll have a few suggestions for a solution, AND, I'll be willing to invest my time and resources in it. Don't waste a lot of time on problem people who are simply complaining. If need be, let them vent, but, don't take what they say seriously, until they are willing to be a part of the solution.

Unfortunately, in my experience, I've been witness to a few problem people who completely hold the decisions of the shepherding team hostage. When you decide that what you are doing is worthwhile, and you have the leadership of the church with you, and you have blanketed your action with counsel, Bible Study and prayer, then do what Jesus says and, "don't worry or be anxious about anything..."

Tip 3: Own up to mistakes made, but, don't beat yourself up

Everyone makes mistakes, and the only people who will not let you forget yours are the folks we've already discussed. When you make mistakes, just simply say, "I screwed up." I probably say that 100 times in a month. It's not that I'm stupid, or don't have a clue...it's because I serve in ministry. Ministry is messy. Ministry is dealing with people and their problems...

Please understand problem people discussed in tip 2 are not those that need your ministry. The problems I'm talking about are Spiritual life and death problems, those who need Jesus, but, don't know Him, yet. Because you are in over your head in ministry doing everything you can to introduce Jesus to those who need him, you're going to make mistakes. It's OK.

One of my areas of weakness is remembering names, and this may not be a big thing to you, but, not remembering a student's name could mean the difference of that teen returning. I take name recognition seriously, and yet, many times I have made a mistake with a student's name or worse forgot it altogether.

When this happens I apologize.

However, the temptation when we make mistakes is to continue beating ourselves up. We say things like, "I'm an idiot." "I can't believe I did that, any moron would've known better." And we make ourselves feel worse. The reason this isn't a good idea, is because the more you speak negative things to yourself, the more you demean who you are in Christ, the more you will live that out in your life.

If you keep telling yourself that you're a loser, then you'll start acting like one. Your ministry will begin to reflect the status of how you see yourself. Don't do that. Don't demean the creation of God. You are identified as a servant of Jesus Christ, a child of God, and though you're not perfect, you have at your very core a fundamental belief that you are doing what God has called you to.

So live that purpose out in victory!

Life after Sunday School

Last week I taught my last Sunday School class. I'm sad, sort of. Well, I guess it's more of a sentimental thing...I grew up on Sunday School, it's all I've ever known as far as a strategy of teaching the Bible. So, I relate to those who are upset that we are not going to teach Sunday School anymore for 5th grade and up.

But, here's the thing. What has Sunday School accomplished for those 5th and up? Of course I'm only discussing for where I work and live...What has Sunday School accomplished for New Hope? The leadership team began with this question about two years ago, actually the question was, "Are we effective at teaching and equipping Disciples of Jesus Christ?" The answer was, not really. We were creating consumer Christians. Christians who just needed to show up, we would teach them, feed them, lead them, and then send them home. A few would actually help, but most just consumed what we threw out there. And we concluded that this was not effective ministry.

So we put everything we do on the table and put in under a microscope...talk about a journey! This started over two years ago. Many heated discussions, prayer times, meetings, and Bible studies later, we decided on a Discipleship Strategy we call: Hope Quest.

A Christian who becomes, connects, grows, and multiplies is on a Hope Quest.

Now we had a definition that we could filter our activities. So now the question was, "does what we do accomplish any one of these categories, does what we do enable and equip Christians on their Hope Quest?" When we discussed Sunday School our question was "does Sunday School help a person, become, connect, grow or multiply?" The answer was "sort of"...

Sunday School was a big part of our old strategy, to do all the work and let others consume what we were throwing out there. We decided we could utilize a better strategy and helping Disciples along their Hope Quest than what we could do with Sunday School.

Thus was born the connecting point time. In between worship times on Sunday for 45 minutes we are offering a time and a place for Christians to connect. To engage each other in more meaningful conversation than just, "hey, how are you?" MORE importantly the leadership team is expecting that the Christian will reach out to someone they don't know, even possibly someone who is a first time guest. We expect that Christians will bring friends to a connecting point, someone who may not even know Jesus or have a relationship with Him.

Now, the expectation is raised. We don't expect to do the work, we expect Christians to show up and get off the bench, or the pew and engage others in conversation. We expect that Christians will reach out and help others know what it means to belong to a fellowship of Believers who are not satisfied to show up and consume someone else's Bible Study.

I guess simply put, no longer do we expect that a Christian will just go to church, but that finally, we have placed the expectation, the accountability, that this Christian will BE the church.

What's men got to do with it?

God placed men on the earth as the head of their families; Ephesians 5:22-23. He gave men the responsibility of leading His church; Titus 1:6. It's God's plan for men to be the Spiritual leaders in their family; Ephesians 5:25-31

This is the reason that I appreciate men who are coaches in our youth ministry...it's not that I don't appreciate the moms! I love them, but, the men bring a leadership that is God given. I sense a void in our generation of Spiritually charged up men who are leading their homes and churches with maturity and a personal relationship with Jesus and His Word.

I don't have answers for this, but I think I have an idea...

Men don't feel they belong to anything except maybe at home. Years ago, a generation or more ago, men belonged to different kinds of clubs and organizations. They had a place where they belonged. Church was one of those places. Back in the day, in this country, families went to church because it was a societal norm. But this isn't the case anymore.

Men work more hours and they work more on weekends, so the time and the money to belong to clubs or organizations isn't there. It's no longer the societal norm to go to church, actually it's the societal norm now for men to use their Sunday for their own personal time, while the wife and kids may go to church. Church just isn't the place men feel they belong; like it used to.

Consider on top of this that wives work now, too. So husbands in the family have to pick up more of the slack at home...(my job is the laundry) so there is less time for men to belong to something other than work and family.

I wonder if one reason that fantasy sports is so popular with men, is for this reason. A fantasy team online can provide some sense of belonging or community for a man who has no time or money to invest to belong in another place.

So what can church do about this? I don't know if I have the right answers, but, providing Spiritually mature men the opportunity to connect, to mentor, to train, and to teach a young generation of boys what it means to be a Spiritually mature man and husband could be a great place to start.

Connection is the key. This is why a class or a classroom setting doesn't work for men. Men need a more relaxed environment. Men need to know that what they are doing is making a difference. Men need more interaction, men need to lead. This need for leading was placed in them by the God who created them, and so this is why our family groups make a perfect place for men, this is where connection happens. Family groups are a place where belonging and community take place.

When I hear one of my male coaches talk about how excited they are about leading and working with kids, I smile. This is God at work. It's time to change the norm.

a little nervous

It's going to look a little different on Sundays around here beginning in the first weekend of October and I have to admit I'm a little nervous. Questions like, "how are people going to react to the connection time?" "will I have teens interested in being here?" "will my teens and coaches enjoy this ministry?" "will the teens show up?" fill my thoughts...

But, I consider the power that is God's Word and even though I'm a little nervous, I feel more excited about what God is doing here. Paul says in Ephesians "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."

As a staff we came to the conclusion a couple of years ago that we were not doing a good job with this scripture. We were not equipping God's people for works of service, because simply put, we were doing it for them. Typically, %20 of the people do %80 of the work, and that probably holds true here at New Hope, too, although I think it's more like %30 to %70...but even still, we have a lot of people here who are not growing into Spiritual maturity, because we've never placed an expectation on them that they are to do the work of God, too.

So now, we've changed the way we do things on Sunday to give us as a staff a better opportunity to mentor and train others to do ministry. During the connection time we will expect that the body of Christ will interact, will connect, with others; especially with those who are new, or unfamiliar to them.

Personally, I will expect my youth coaches and student ministers to connect with those they don't know or don't know very well. Our connection point will be loaded with opportunities...We'll have the PS3 and the wii loaded up and ready to go. We'll have a ministry information center so that you can find out about all the ministries at New Hope and the contact info for each ministry leader. There will be a couple of laptops that will have access to the Swimming Pool Bible Study...Not to mention the coffee house...youth coaches serving in the connection time will get a free coffee or latte!

So, yeah, I'm a little nervous, but I pray that God blesses this time. On Wednesday Night we teach and disciple, on Sunday we worship and serve...that's our strategy...but, let's see what God does with it.

What's going on?

Something special this way comes. First, I start with this premise:
I'm not in the business of just serving students through ministry, but, I'm more in the business of serving others who are serving students through ministry."

Make sense? Currently I'm working with a team of 18 youth coaches, most are adults, though two of them are in their Senior year of High School, and one of them is also a full-time minister here at New Hope. They are an awesome team of individuals who understand the value of discipleship. We are called by Jesus, to "make disciples".

I did not graduate from college with this understanding...I thought I was the one the church was paying to do the work of the ministry, which basically made me a glorified babysitter, and my paycheck reflected that status.

I think, unfortunately that many churches are suffering because they don't understand the value of high expectations.

I'm expecting a lot from my youth coaches. Basically, that they become ministers to students, and what's exciting to me, is that they are up to it.

Already I've been a front row observer of how this understanding of ministry has changed lives, and we are just beginning. Many more lives are going to change. and many more lives are going to be saved through the blood of Jesus. Not because of what we do, but because of who we are. We are filled with the same power of the Holy Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, and this Spirit is bringing glory to the Father through the sacrifice of His people.

It's an awesome experience to witness God changing lives. And he's changing mine...